Lyrics

Verse 1:
Snow on the mountains, the turkey’s all set,
But Santa’s stuck at IKEA, what the heck!
Baby Jesus chills in a straw hotel,
Shepherds yell: “Yo, this crib’s lit as hell!”

Pre-Chorus:
Sheep start bleating: “Where’s the wine?!”
An angel shouts: “Karaoke’s live, let’s shine!”

Chorus:
Hallelujah, the milk’s all gone!
Reindeers munch the tree till dawn.
Mary sighs: “Guys, chill out—please!”
Joseph streams on Facebook: “Check this breeze…
Five-star reviews for this Messiah biz!”

Verse 2:
Three Wise Men forgot their GPS route,
So they tracked a Deliveroo scout.
With gold, myrrh, and a sausage roll,
Jesus grinned: “Mom, this hits my soul!”

Verse 3 (New!):
The stable’s gone viral on Insta Reels,
But Joseph’s beard glitches from Snapchat feels.
A drone drops by with pineapple pizza,
Jesus cheers: “This beats manna— mama mia!”

Chorus:
Hallelujah, the milk’s all gone!
Angels lip-sync TikTok songs.
Ox and donkey swipe Tinder right,
Jesus laughs: “Afterparty in the shed tonight!”

Bridge:
Star of Bethlehem? Just a drone!
Mary posts: “#Blessed, never alone…”
When church bells ring, the town’s obsessed,
Screaming: “Where’s the glühwein? We’re stressed!”

Verse 4 (New!):
The Christmas market sells glow-in-dark hay,
Neighbor belts Mariah—off-key, but slay!
A bauble pops, the cat bolts upstairs,
Jesus smirks: “Y’all need drama-free prayers!”

Chorus (Remix!):
Hallelujah, the milk’s gone gone!
Even peanuts hit the marathon.
Mary calls FEBO: “Croquettes, stat!”
Jesus demands: “Bitterballen—don’t scat!”

Bridge 2 (New!):
Santa texts Mary: “Gifts? My bad…
The dog ate them. Please don’t get mad!”
Jesus shares a meme: “First Christmas flex—
Next year, pre-game at the multiplex!”

Outro (Extended!):
Hallelujah, chaos reigns!
Whether you pray or crave kebab gains—
Jesus, Santa, and oliebol cheer,
Life’s a mess, but Christmas joy’s here!

Bonus Verse (Why not?):
Cousins arrive with fireworks and noise,
Granny chokes on punch: “Is this kombucha, boys?!”
Jesus floss-dances, stars blaze above,
A kid sings: “Thank God for Deliveroo love!”

🎄 Merry Crisis… and hands off my stollen! 🍷